i am sad for her that her last breath was too soon, too quick. For her sake i can only be grateful that she had confidence in heaven.
for me, it's not about learning to live without her.
it's about learning to live with her Now, in so many ways: new and changing.
i am sad for me that she no longer rests her head on my shoulder; that i no longer Feel her Calm Breath Calming my own Breath-Body-Mind, bringing Joy and Contentment for both of us.
but i am grateful that she found me and that every day she chose - once again - to love me, helped me learn how to love her, and how to love others, and myself.
cremated, i have confidence that almost all of her beautiful body already Continues diffusely, but tangibly, in the biosphere, always Fully Present Now, as before - with me, with us, with them. As will i soon enough.
and just as tangibly, we only need to pause to feel her loving smile in our hearts, like all the Non-Flower Elements that make up the entirety of her beloved lilacs; and to even still, see things also through her always wise and compassionate eyes, our constant companion.
and she continues in our children, in their DNA and in the love and wisdom she taught them; and in our grandchildren who also carry her DNA, and who know her: either from an age of earliest memories, or in memories based entirely on stories about her, lovingly preserved in retelling by her DNA- and non-DNA families; friends, and even just acquaintances she touched with her loving presence. Even as she carried forward her mother and father and 7 siblings.
everything shimmers with the aliveness of her Impermanence.
- garold stone, April 3, 2016; March 4, 2017